I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We just shotgunned beers for America
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize