oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
