I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
