She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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