I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
