you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
