How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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