After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
