My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
