i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
