we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
