He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
