love makes seman taste better
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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