dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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