like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
