saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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