Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just want to make out with him forever
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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