THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
