He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
