we made out on top of his cat.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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