wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
