We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She told me I should be a condom model.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
