No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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