he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
