I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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