Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
