Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
