I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
