she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
