I'm jealous of your bromance
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
