Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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