dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
