Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
