Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
