Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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