Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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