there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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