he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
