woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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