maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
