Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
