They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
