I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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