I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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