I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize