My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
