erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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