I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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