wakey wakey hands off snakey
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
