I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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