For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
