So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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