When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
