3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
