Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
