I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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