oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
