I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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