I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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