i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
