Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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