Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
