He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
