this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Im part way to drunk.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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