my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
