So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
