we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My dick has a subreddit
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
