it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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