Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
