then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
